FAUSTUS FOR MAYOR

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FAUSTUS FAQ #1IMG_4754

“How did all this get started?”

As in most political careers, it started as a drunken joke, or threat against Jim Watson (the “human” incumbent) from among the working classes.  And the answer was usually “yes, your cat probably could do a better job!”  And, so stirred the rumblings of domesticated feline municipal reform in the electoral format with what could be a huge watershed moment for animal rights!  Finally, a cat could be back on top of the pyramid, as in ancient times…


FAUSTUS FAQ #2

“Yeah, but seriously?”

What, you’ve never heard of a cat being mayor before?  We have.  Stubbs.  Mayor of Talkeetna, Alaska, since July 1997!  Look it up, we’ll wait.  Follow him on Twitter.  Also, ITS A DO NOTHING JOB!  Watson has proven this repeatedly.  And when he has tried to do anything, it always ‘promises’ to be two things; embarrassing and expen$ive.  Hopefully this city will never make an “Elizabeth Smart Park” under Watson’s watch, for fear of him confusing who the Ottawa poet was (see Jack Percell Park).

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QUALIFICATIONS

  • Meows a lot.  Some would say excessively.  In electoral politics this may be an advantage.
  • Puts other cats needs ahead of his own.  Witnessed regularly as he allows them to eat out of his bowl.
  • Loves this city.  Always wants to go outside.
  • Listens.
  • Litter trained.
  • Works well with other animals.

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EXPERIENCE

  • Ten years living in Centretown (entire life).
  • Raised with two black cats on Florence Street, he has now adopted Mephistopheles (a black kitten, last of the litter, from Fallowfield Road).
  • Student of Kitty (de facto leader of Occupied Ottawa’s sleeper cell).
  • Spent one night outside under the porch.  Didn’t like it.
  • Spokescat for human rock band “THE FAYS” and supporter of music and the arts.

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FAUSTUS FAQ #3

“This isn’t a real campaign! It’s just an ingenious way of promoting your website, isn’t it?”

Can’t it be both?  Sure, there might be some more traffic other than the regular Google hits on the A2Zymurgy page.  More importantly, its an opportunity.  To really stick it to the established order of things.  This town doesn’t have to be lead like a slave to human hierarchy.  Put a cat on top, or no one at all!  People have long past the ‘need’ for leaders, kings, masters, bosses–even elected ones.  We don’t need anyone telling us what to do, and Faustus never will.  Hence, “In Faustus We Trust Us.”


FAUSTUS FAQ #4

“Sounds like crypto-anarchism!  Have you no shame?”

Desperate times.  Anarchists and other revolutionaries have long known that we couldn’t vote for a progressive enough representative(s) to simply “fix” our system.  Our settler governments (federal, provincial, municipal) don’t work that way.  They are purposely designed to favour the colonial/capitalist order.  We need to make these old, outmoded impressions of democracy cute, unthreatening and eventually irrelevant.  True forms of direct democratic decision making need to be brought to the vanguard if we want to see the change we need in our lifetimes.

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FAUSTUS FAQ #5

“How does a cat even enter an election?”

Much like today’s professional politicians, Faustus has a team of devoted human helpers.  They make sure he arrives at his appointments safely and on time.  The team will sign the appropriate forms for entry.  His name, “Faustus” will appear on the ballot.  And voters will have the chance for a real change.


FAUSTUS FAQ #6

“Isn’t Faustus then, just another Trump or Boaty McBoatface?”

Depends on your point of view.  If you mean that Faustus is also an example of the precariousness of leader-centric systems derived from popularity contests, then sure!  But unlike Trump, Faustus is not interested in power or material gain.  He has soul and substance, with love unconditional.  Also fur.


FAUSTUS FAQ #7

“With the language barrier, how will Faustus be able to debate his opponents?”

If any of his opponents are interested in a debate with my cat, they’ve already lost.


FAUSTUS FAQ #8

“Okay, Faustus is great.  But how do we know he’s not being controlled by whoever feeds him?  Who interprets the will of Faustus?”

Wow.  FAQs are stupid.  You’re not getting it.  In fact, these “FAQs” are getting increasingly unlikely.  Have you ever tried training a cat?  They’re not dogs!  Ask anyone who knows him, Faustus is not easily swayed or silenced.  The whole point is that we won’t have a town leader who’s motives are suspect.  Lobbyists and condo developers from Toronto will have no human to bribe (or campaign to “contribute”).  Faustus will have no power or privilege.  And no, there won’t be any “special rights for cats.”  Faustus has often been a proponent of equal rights between other animals and humans.  But even with a cat mayor, animal rights and protection will still have a long way to go.  That’s why Faustus is an indoor cat.

Faustus is an advocate of equal rights, and long-time a longtime supporter of canines (like Finn!) and all other animal liberties (including humans).

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